I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
