i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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