i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
