Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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