so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just pee around me
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
