he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
