Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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