Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I puked a lego.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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