hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
