fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
