Soap is not a condiment
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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