you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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