I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
