who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize