Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just had sex on a roof
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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