Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
