His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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