I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
