If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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