I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
