so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
