Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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