This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
