what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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