I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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