i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
