what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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