I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
