last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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