"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
