So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
