I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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