Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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