3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
