I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
