i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
