Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
