is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
