Just cropdusted the office
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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