idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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