Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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