God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
