You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
