You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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