Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Randomize
