You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize