I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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