C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
