Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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