Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
