if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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