Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
