You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
