I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
