what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
