party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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