he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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