i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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