I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
