THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
