My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
