you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
