i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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