Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
