Whoa Z and x make the same sound
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
