I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize