On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
