it hurts more in the daytime
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
