Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
